Was it fate or was it me, that crashed us
into the woods. As a young girl, I was just 19 when I first experienced love. It was the second year in the University. He was such a fine sight to behold ,many didn’t know he was such a charm until we started dating. We would spend countless hours on calls, we would chat endlessly on Whatsup and any other available social media platforms we know. We would even go places I would never have had the boldness to go to. He was such a lucky charm , fine , handsome . He would take me from one eatery to another and one place to another ,one friend’s place to another .Our love was that powerful, so real that almost anyone knew that I was in love. The love was madness, we were always together ,doing stuffs together , even stuffs that I may not be able to say simply because am shy. It was such a great time we had .I never found him wanting in anyway, such a cheerful fellow.
Like the saying goes " all good shows must eventually come to an end" I had an argument with a few of my friends that made me believe in the theory that says "every man is a cheat" while others claimed that,Men are naturally polygamous in nature and my Boyfriend May not be an exception they said. Curiosity engulfed me with doubts, I started searching for answers to questions that were never there ,started looking for thing I do not need. Also, the saying goes “ when you keep knocking on the devil’s door, soon something is going to open” I continued to nurture and grow this evil seeds planted by friends. As they all continue to feed this new monstrosity they have unleashed inside of me. The constant voice in my head was “ all fine guys are players” . My search continued, as I endlessly searched through his phones, looking for any available evidence of cheating. I check his out box, checked his inbox, checked his call records and all. I became delusional to the extent I would start unnecessary fights for nothing.
One day , we had a nasty fight. I never saw him so angry ,he was so mad that he left my place too early than he usually have. Few minutes later I got a text apologising for what he didn’t know. In the text he said “ these past few months has been hell for me ,its been one fight to another and no matter how much I try to escape it,I cant. I can hardly trace my fault. You constantly accuse me for nothing. Needless to say, that you are becoming impossible understand .I don’t how you fight me for something yet to occur, an offends not yet commited “. I thought about this words all night ,I actually blamed my boy friend on the bases that “someday you will now leave me for some other girl” as insane as it sounded it was true, I had never shown me any trace of that, he has never shown me any questionable character. I told myself the truth but the cancer of doubts planted in my soul was already growing too fast. I would finished my lectures and quickly dash to his department just to see first hand what he does behind my back in school ,yet again doubt come into play. All the things my friends were discussing, there advise to one another . Worst still, I took the scenarios in there relationships and implanted it in mine. I wanted to see what they were seeing in their relationship. Because of the convinction i had; that made me believed that there has to be constant fights in a relationship , if there was no fight; then there was no love. I was a fucking idiot at that time .
Eventually, I found what I was looking for. True they said " that when you pray for rain, you've gat to be ready for mud" All my fights with him payed off, there was a girl in his department, I had proofs and he didn’t deny it. I could not help myself with the fact that there was another girl, I held so tight to my trophy ,that my Boyfriend was a cheat.
Nevertheless, I realized that it was all me. I made my joy to sadness, i had the best of gifts something so beautiful, that was so perfect, i allowed it slip. I allowed my ignorance to get the best of me. I listened to my friends I never knew hated my interests. I created a reality that was never mine. I shown myself the door out of his heart. It was all me, I pushed and made him unfaithful, I did it all. I should have listen to my mother’s school Of thoughts instead “ men do not like too much disturbance or issues, not all men can handle it “ my sweetheart was one of them.
Now, I am here stucked with a guy I do not care about. He gives everything but there is no connection and all my friends back then ,non of them knows what am going through emotionally right now. When anyone ask me about my past relationship,I simply lie. Needless to say it was perfect, it was beautiful but I destroyed it with my hands. Doubt! is a terrible thing, you want my advice.
• Never discuss your relationship with anyone
• Never rock the boat and make waves, where everything is calm and ok
• Respect your relationship
• Know when you are blessed
• Never stop believing in your man
• Learn to put yourself in his shoes sometimes
• Learn to always have your head above
• When you love him and he loves you, respects you. Leaving is not an option
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